I don’t want to forget, but I don’t want to remember either

Ah, the benefits of social media. Timehop lets me know exactly what I was up to this time last year, and the year before that, and the year before that.

Usually I love the nostalgic trip down memory lane, but today felt like a punch to the stomach.


It’s not even been a month since lost you. I don’t want to forget you, but it hurts to remember you. Everything I see reminds me of what I have lost. The supermarket at the end of the road where we met, the park where I still go to walk only now without you there too, the plant in my living room I was bought by another friend to honour your memory. Now even the virtual world is turning on me and all I see is you. I hate seeing your name on my snapchat contacts list, knowing you’d never open my stupid overly filtered, meaningless selfie. My heart twists when I see a photo of you someone has liked pop up on my timeline.

All these superficial, social media reminders crush me, but nothing crushes me more than realising we will never share a laugh, a hug, a night out, a memory together again. You live on in the cyber world, but I want you to be here. I want you to be where you can make fun of me to my face, protect me, be my friend.

I never want to forget you and I never will, but right now I can’t take the reminders of you. They remind me of the cavernous space you have left behind. They remind me how empty I feel. They remind me how much I miss you.

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